Why can we long for closeness and still push someone away the moment they get too close?
Relationships often show us not only how we love, but also what happens to us when we're near another person.
Some people are always afraid of being abandoned and need constant reassurance of love. Others pull away as soon as things get serious. Some learn to adapt so they don't lose contact. And some protect their independence so fiercely that there's hardly any room left for closeness.
In Gestalt therapy we look beyond "attachment styles" and past experience. We're interested in what is happening between people right now.
- How do I behave when I'm scared?
- Can I say that I'm hurt?
- Can I ask for something? Can I bear being refused?
- Can I stay myself when the other person disagrees with me?
Closeness is not the absence of conflict. Nor is it a constant feeling of comfort.
It's the ability to be in contact with another person without losing contact with yourself.
In therapy we can gradually explore the ways you build relationships, notice familiar patterns and find more freedom where only automatic self-protection used to work.
Because a mature relationship isn't one where you're never afraid.
It's one with enough room for "me", for "you" and for "us".