Sometimes an adult has long lived on their own, earns their own money, has their own relationships and makes their own decisions, yet inside still depends deeply on their parents' approval.
- "What will they say?"
- "Mum will be upset."
- "Dad won't approve."
- "I can't do that, they've done so much for me."
Separation is the process of forming your own adult position. And it doesn't always happen automatically when you move out or become financially independent.
It helps to gradually notice: where does my responsibility end and my parents' begin? Which decisions do I make because I really want to, and which do I make to win approval or avoid feeling guilty?
At the same time, separation doesn't necessarily mean limiting contact or cutting ties.
You can be close to your parents and still have your own opinion. You can love them and disagree. You can hear their worries and still do things your own way.
Sometimes the hardest part of separation is tolerating the fact that your parents may not like your choice.
In therapy we can explore these mixed feelings: love, anger, guilt, gratitude, resentment, fear and the wish to be free.
So that your adult life gradually becomes yours, and not a continuation of the life someone else once imagined for you.