We can get so carried away with the idea of "protecting our boundaries" that we gradually lose the ability to be in close contact.
- I don't reply, because "my boundaries were crossed".
- I don't explain, because "I don't owe anyone anything".
- I pull away at the slightest discomfort, because "I'm choosing myself".
But sometimes very rigid boundaries hide not freedom but a fear of closeness, conflict, dependence or rejection.
For me, healthy boundaries are not a constant "no".
They are the ability to understand what is mine and what isn't. To notice my own needs. To talk about them. To say no when I don't want something. And still stay in the relationship when the other person is upset by my decision.
Boundaries can be flexible. Today I may not have the energy to talk, and tomorrow I may be the one looking for contact. I can turn my partner down on something and still feel close to them. I can hear someone else's opinion without being obliged to follow it.
In therapy we can explore what happens to you in the moments when you need to say no, ask for something, disagree or tolerate someone else's reaction.
Because real freedom is not about letting no one near you.
It's about being able to decide for yourself who you let close, when, and how close.